Wednesday, June 21, 2006

No Sleep 'till Florida

So ja, my dad says I need to start sleeping and not staying up all night on the computer. This really sucks. Not because I like to go searching for a bunch of stuff and whore myself around the internet like a lot of people though. It sucks because I need the computer. It's my life. It has almost all my friends, and all the ones that I need, that's for sure. It's my thearapy. I go online, drown myself in web comics for a few days to a month or more and I'll feel better, be numbed to whatever was wrong, or just not care anymore. A web comic is a world that I can dive into and be nobody. We don't have to make our own desisions but we still have freedom to think. I can sit there and watch someone else live life while not having to myself. They can go on a great adventure, I can enjoy it with them. They can have their heart broken, I can feel it with them. They get something great, I can get it with them. It's just another world I can drown my worries in.

Now, why don't I just sleep? Because I don't want to. More, I'm afraid to, I hate to. I love the sensation of sleep, sure, but I hate the result of it. I dream. I don't always remember my dreams, but they still get to me in the waking world. My dreams are good to me. They give me what I want or need or had. Yes, this is all great and all, but then I wake up. I wake up and see what I don't have but want or need or had. I get up, look in the mirror and see me, think of what I had in the dream, whether I want to or not, and it depresses me and I run off the computer and drown myself in it. Yes, this still sometimes happens whether I'm sleeping or not, but at least I don't get extroidenarly vivid images of it.

Anywho, I don't really know where I'm going with this, so ja......I hate the voices in my head.

Recomended Comic To Drown Yourself In: beware, not for padawans


Blogger Le Weegee said...'re so messed up. =O ...and I like that. ^_^ Though, I don't like how you suffer. =/ That's a no-no. Well, hopefully, you'll HAVE a great life, then you don't have to wake up depressed. Unless... your dreams keep giving you better things than you can ever have... then *shakes fist to the cruel dreams*. ...yeah. ^_^; *cyber hug!*



1:15 AM  

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